I don't ask for much other than a message to say I'm missed, or even just my kids. To stop by my Facebook and say hello. It's hard not to feel completely shut out from everyone sometimes. I now work so it's harder for me to keep in touch, but I try my best even if only on Facebook to say hi to those I miss the most. Usually those posts go unanswered. It is sad to me that people I love so deeply can be too busy to take 5 seconds to say hello.
There is one person who remembers we are a day ahead and calls on every correct birthday and holidays. One person I could call if I missed something so much and needed them to send it to me before a year passed. One person who even if we don't talk daily makes me feel like I still matter, my kids still matter. At the end of the day it really is about my kids and who wants to remain close to them. I can move on from feeling unimportant, but when my kids aren't to those I think they should be, well that just breaks my heart.
I'm not the best at all of these things myself, but the fact that I feel I try and others don't hurts me at times. I try my best to remember it's hard to keep up with work, kids, family and everything outside like keeping up with people. That doesn't help me lately though. At the end of the day I just want to matter, I want my kids to matter to the people I think we should matter to, my family and closest of friends.
After high school you grow up and move on, you loose contact with acquaintances and friends, then slowly with your closest of friends. This isn't high school but I'm slowly learning who to keep trying with and who to just let go and wait around for them to try.
I have written this exact blog about 10 times, only to reach the end and delete it all for fear of who I'd offend. I'm sick of feeling that way, this is my blog to write as I feel, honest and painful to some or not. This is the place I created to come and vent. This is MY blog, about MY feelings!
At the end of the day even though I'm half way around the world I just want to feel connected to people, feel like I'm a part of their life still and them mine.